Diary of Palina - fighting for Belarus
I try to express myself, but there are so many thoughts that I can't put them together.
I just cry all day, crying out all the things that have accumulated over the past months. I cry and pray, even though I don't believe in God in the accepted sense of this word. I pray that they won't beat, rape, or kill people again. I cry more.
In my head, I can see all the videos I've seen in the last few days. I don't know what will happen next, but I'm afraid to imagine: now the police is allowed to do everything. Even more than was allowed before. I feel dangerous, but I know I'm ready to die for freedom.
I'm not afraid. Rather, I don't understand. My values, which were invested from the very first seconds of my life, conflict with what I see now. I can't accept how all this violence can be justified. I don't understand how money, positions, and even just fear can be more important than what has been passed down to us from fairy tales and legends since childhood...
I stop for a few minutes, and then I start crying again. Again shots in my head, again it's hard.
Then I see or remember something warm and start crying because of the tenderness. It's incredible how much I love people, animals, phenomena, and indeed everything that passes their possessions. I am incredibly happy that there is so much support and attention to each other. That you can come to the yard and just have a sincere conversation with your neighbors. That there are so many jokes, that it's like a family – and this is despite the fact that we have known each other for a short time.
It's been an eternity, though.
The fact that life will end is fixed in my head. Death will come sooner or later, but I can't afford to just sit and be silent when evil is around. I can't accept it, even though I might lose a lot. I want to be honest with myself and with everyone.
It's probably all the love I've accumulated in my twenty-one-and-a-half years of life. Otherwise, I don't know how I'm still holding on.
I love you. I love you very much, I love life, I love happiness and beauty.
It's just a pity that not everyone shares and appreciates it.
P.S. It is me and my mum on the picture. Every protest she is with me.